Why Mental Health Matters…Our Story
Last time I left off we just touched on the beginning of our Mental health Journey.Please Be Aware there is lot of TW content if your sensitive to this topic please stop reading now.So we had our first inpatient admission for Self harm,suicide ideation and elopement.(running away).As we re sitting there and I am filling out the admission forms which if you have never had the experience of doing seem eternally long.I was still trying to process the events of the day half beside myself and have scared to death and feeling all kinds of guilty how did I not know there was more happening and was it my fault.Masking is a real thing so not knowing was kind of a ASD super power especially in AFAB assigned female at birth.The second thought of was it my fault short answer is no, the long answer is parent guilt is so real.My kiddo had to get changed no regular clothes allowed nothing with strings or metal or wire.As they were changing I got a first hand look at all the self harming I was mortified and felt extremely sad that they were hurting themselves and that hurting inside was the reason.I wish I could say that this was eye opening and we were good after this stay and it was helpful for medication changes and to understand how to keep them safer.I say safer because when your dealing with mental illness there is no 100% safe just doing all you can to keep them safe from themselves..
At the time of this hospital stay it was 2020 and age 13.We went through 9 hospitalizations inpatient acute and partial from August 2020 to December 2023.The mix was Violent outbursts breaking things glasses picture frames to use for self harm tools. Breaking their own things in their room.Verbal abuse,physical abuse to Authority figures mostly parents along with self harm, suicide ideations,attempted overdose on Midol(tylenol content) requiring tylenol poisoning reversal and life flight to the children’s hospital.Locking up our entire house basically for safety.People talk about what they go through but not how it changes you as a person.Tylenol is no longer just Tylenol it’s a suicide waiting to happen,Knives are no longer just knives so you resort to only using butter knives because they feel safe.Scissors are locked away because they are a hazard that you didn’t use to view as a hazard.Every noise becomes a what was that I should go check, not closing doors, middle of the night bedroom door pounding because they are having bad thoughts or found a new way to self harm.Sleeping becomes very disturbed and light out of constant fear and worry that you won’t hear what you need to or the knock at the door because you were to tired.Sometimes you look at your child and wonder if they are still in there and if you’ll ever get to the right medication combination to help them and if home will feel like home again and not the prison you turned it into out of safety.After multiple psychiatrists,counselors,hospital stays I can finally say that we ve been self harm and hospital free since December 2023.
I can say I myself sought help for anxiety which helped me handle things better and be less jumpy and work through PTSD through counseling and anxiety medication.Our Journey doesn’t end here But, I’m going to end today on this note and Advice. Mental Health Matters Talk about it!!!
